With 12 weeks to go before I leave I started to think of the people I know, friends, family, even the most inconsequential people like the UPS guy or cashier at the 7/11 . I realized saying goodbye to all these people may not be as easy as I thought it would be. Its so crippling having to realize that I will be leaving everything behind, it seems that only when you realize your leaving you see how comfortable your life really is . Studying with friends, going to the gym, hanging out on weekends I was finally feeling in complete control of my life and yet I've decided to renounce it all for a year of unforetold adventure.
If that alone wernt startling enough, the realization that life does not pause waiting for the moment you come back does the trick . It sounds selfish but knowing that people will go on without me scares me more than knowing I will be somewhere else entirely . Maybe it's because I'm selfish or narcissistic or even because I'm trying to fill a void inside that will make me feel important but even if it is those things, could you really blame me. Images of someone else picking up my little sister from school, of meetings led by anyone that wasn't me , of friends sitting to eat at a table one person short , of Saturday morning stretches before a game with a circle that's just a tad smaller. I think about all these things , and although the feeling is not exactly sadness(but something more attuned to melancholy) it still make me ponder my decision to go abroad.
Somehow I know everything will go on , and frankly its a good thing that life doesn't stop for anyone. I wont be the same when I come back, I know that a year abroad changes you , so I cant expect everyone else to be the same . You see there is no running away from things nothing will ever be exactly the same after this but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all . I have made my decision I am going to Germany with CBYX on a scholarship by the US State Department . I will do my best to make the experience a memorable and significant one . Most importantly I will embrace change as a way of life as I leave the US as I adapt in Germany and long after I am back .
If that alone wernt startling enough, the realization that life does not pause waiting for the moment you come back does the trick . It sounds selfish but knowing that people will go on without me scares me more than knowing I will be somewhere else entirely . Maybe it's because I'm selfish or narcissistic or even because I'm trying to fill a void inside that will make me feel important but even if it is those things, could you really blame me. Images of someone else picking up my little sister from school, of meetings led by anyone that wasn't me , of friends sitting to eat at a table one person short , of Saturday morning stretches before a game with a circle that's just a tad smaller. I think about all these things , and although the feeling is not exactly sadness(but something more attuned to melancholy) it still make me ponder my decision to go abroad.
Somehow I know everything will go on , and frankly its a good thing that life doesn't stop for anyone. I wont be the same when I come back, I know that a year abroad changes you , so I cant expect everyone else to be the same . You see there is no running away from things nothing will ever be exactly the same after this but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all . I have made my decision I am going to Germany with CBYX on a scholarship by the US State Department . I will do my best to make the experience a memorable and significant one . Most importantly I will embrace change as a way of life as I leave the US as I adapt in Germany and long after I am back .
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