With just a little over seven weeks to go before I suddenly find myself in Germany you'd think Id be exited. The truth is I was exited, ecstatic even, at the thought of a whole new world with whole new people and a whole new array of things to learn and explore . So, Whats changed ? Perhaps, and this is the only explanation I have come up with, It's the reality of the situation that has really emerged in these last couple of days and has consequential changed my perception of what I am about to embark on.
It has become apparent that although I have been granted an opportunity that comes with many advantages It is not without great consequence that I accept it . Even for the most independent free-flowing individual change brings out a primal instinct that fills our hearts with dread. One of my favorite quotes is from Academie Francais member and Nobel Prize winner Anatole France "All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." This is true in many ways yet I don't feel like I'm ready to let the life I have now die . So what do I do ? I'm not quite sure yet, I haven't come to terms with leaving but I know that a great adventure awaits . Reminders of my trip are everywhere , It has gotten to that crucial time where flights are being booked and letters sent . This week has been specially eventful . I have received an email from Max informing me of all the deadlines and pertinent trip information, and an email from Juliette with my flight details from D.C. to Germany ,letters from the Department of State, gifts from those who wish me well, recognition from those who have supported me , and luggage to pack my life for a year . Its not an easy pill to swallow all these things all at ounce its exhilarating and belittling all at once . I know not what to do, one pat of me wants to cling to the comfort that is South Florida and the other wants to eat Bratwurst at Oktoberfest .
Despite the internal conflict that I am currently going through with my upcoming trip I do realize the immense honor that goes with receiving this scholarship . I understand and even long for the life changing experiences that only traveling abroad can bring a person . As sad as leaving home will be it just may be something that I have to do not only for myself but for others . At the end I hope to look back on my experience and feel as if I am returning to the people I left behind as a better person, I have no doubt that is what this year will facilitate .
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